The Way We Were, The Things we did - and mer.

Some Wee Memories o' Bonnie Scotland.

We'd sail Doon the Watter
We jist called it 'Doon the Clyde'
Nae seats were ever empty
Nae seats fur oor backsides.

The Steamers were aw paddles
Tho' big they aw were
But we'd stay up the tap deck
Tae get the wind tae blow oor hair.

We'd be tossed an we'd be tumbled
We'd aw look a sight.
An by the time we goat hame
It would be roon midnight.

We'd be happy an laffin
An singin loud songs,
But that is aw gone noo
Cos the Paddles are near gone.

And the Glasgow Fair Fortnight.
An the 'Shows' oan Glasgow Green,
If we ran oot o' money
We'd jist giggle an scream.

We'd watch a' the hurlies
Goin roon at great speed,
Then starvin wae hunger
We'd need a good feed.

We'd say tae oor Mother
Could we no have a treat,
An have hot peas wi vinegar
In the Tally's tae eat.

She'd say naw we canny!
A've made us a treat,
So swally your hunger
We jist live up the street.

A've peed aw the veggies
Aye, fit fur a man,
And a hough tae go wi them
So there's plenty of ham.

So jist haud yer horses
We'll be hame in nae time,
An tae put it in posh language
Tally's? nae better than mine.

Ah these memories aye linger
In ma hert noo an then,
An when a start thinking
They a' come back again.

If a could go back tae them days
Ah'd thank the lord above,
Cos them days were always happy, and
Them days were filled with love.

Terry Orr
12 September 2009

Splash all over and wet. Kettles!

I recently had a new Tap put into the kitchen sink, as my other one was getting old. The Plumber brought a new one and said 'this is a good one. Much better than the old type. It's a sprinkler Tap. Try it. You'll love it'. I did and yes, I have to admit I did like it. But as always happens, when one thing goes wrong, some other things follow suit.

My Kettle started leaking from the base, so I sent it to the manufacturers to repair it. It came back with a note to say Not able to repair. Woe oh woe. I had bought two, because I liked it so much. When I switched it on, it looked like a Rocket being launched. Magic I always thought. My most favourite kettle in the whole world. So, I brought out the other one I'd bought - the same kind remember - and it worked it's magic once again. Whoosh Swoosh, Lights - Bingo.! It was all lit up and ready to go. But pretty soon, it too died a death, and I sent it back, along with the older one, to ask please, give my kettles another chance at life. Please, please, please.

They were both returned with a note to say Unfixable. This Model is no longer in production.
So next day, I went to our local Electrics shop, and bought yet another kettle - not one I liked as much but I needed a Kettle, any Kettle, or I'd have had to boil water for Coffee in a pot. Not a good idea.

This one has a lid on a hinge, so it can't be taken off to fill the kettle. Nothing is simple is it?
Being on a hinge, means you have to hold the blinking lid open while the kettle fills - not too much hardship I hear you say. BUT, If you don't hold it, guess what happens? The tap starts to fill the kettle, but the lid also sometimes falls back down! Result - you end up soaked to the skin, arms, clothes, and often the floor too. It's true! It's happened to me a thousand times since I bought this stupid kettle. You see, not only is the lid unreliable in it's quest to remain upright, but the new Tap is quite high, so it too splashes all over the place.

So what's the answer? Should I use the garden hose? But that would mean dragging the hose through from the garden, along with leaves stuck to it, and hoses always have drips, even when they aren't being used. No I don't think that' a good idea. Anyway, the hosepipe! might have all kinds of wee beasties inside which have crawled up the tube looking for a drink in Summer, then what? I'd maybe get a bad stomach upset and have to go to Hospital.! I couldn't bear that.! I'd have to have my stomach pumped too.! and I'd maybe even get a throat infection! That would be a step too far, 'cos then i wouldn't be able to speak, and being a female, I think I'd find that hard.

So what to do about this 'to do'? Maybe just buy bottled water? But why should I pay for water? It's surely not right that we should pay for water. Isn't having water on tap, so to speak, our god given right. Maybe I'll have to stop having drinks of any kind in the morning, what do you think?

All suggestions gratefully accepted, but make them soon please. I can't wait for a reply. Meantime, while I wait for your wise words, if I need water, I'll just nip down to Costa and give myself a treat.. I just hope they don't have a Sprinkler tap, and hope too, their water for my coffee hasn't come from their dishwasher machine, as I know the only way these places make a profit, is to cut costs, even if that means using water by hosepipe. from a dry and soon to be parched.

Terry Orr.

I'm too fast!

I'm back to tell you the good news... The bathroom is finished.! the paint etc has been put away, my hands, tho' scrubbed till they are scarlet, are still bearing paint blotches, and my new christmas treat to myself of gorgeous red nail varnish, is full of light coloured spots... ( I knew I should have worn gloves.)


Even God told me ' wear gloves' ! I told him, " I haven't got time God." ! I should also have told you, there was a very attractive border in the bathroom, which ran the length of the bath side only. it started curling a few weeks ago, so I pulled it all off... leaving a tide mark at the bottom side. I attended to these tidemarks today, going over the whole of it twice with a hard wire type duster.. .looked great - what satisfaction..

I've just had a look in, and the line of, I suppose dust , ( Oh did I tell you there are builders opposite my back garden with diggers everywhere, and throwing up no end of dust,? ) - to continue - the line of dust is still evident, though much paler.. I told you I did feather/ hard back dustered it before I started.. in case you want to suggest that's what i should have done first... Anyway, who's going to look that close and remark," Oh I say, did you see the line of dust where there must have been a border at one time... I'd have thought she'd have had the good sense to etc etc." Anyway, the bathroom has had all it's getting for this time..
It's had enough time out of my precious life. Had to Hoover the carpet twice too..

Must have stood on an emulsion spot in the bath, and just noticed there's a couple of spots on the stool now.!!! Oh God... More time out of my life to clean the stool now.. Just thought I'd tell you the ittle things i'd forgotten about... Now, what? I am going to bed... that's what... Look at the time! I've no time for all this palaver.. I just want to go to sleep.. Did I eat tonight.? I'm not sure, but anyway, I probably didn't have time...

Maybe I should go on a 'go slower' eh... Maybe I do things so fast, I can't remember what i've done..!!! One thing I do know, and will remember to do in a second, I'll go to bed - fast ! No time to sit here . I've sleep to catch up with.. and can't wait to see the bathroom in God's day light.. Zzzz ZZZzz

Was God a painter and decorator?

As someone who does most things quickly, I have discovered my speed often overtakes me like a sports car... Holding on to this reputation I pride myself with, I decided to paint the Bathroom and bought the necessary ingredients two weeks ago. I've stared at the carrier bag since then, willing myself to empty it, and get started...but no inspiration came until today, when I happily took all things out of the carrier bag, and laid them on the bathroom floor. But ' first things first' I always say, so went downstairs and made myself a coffee and two Scotch pancakes with delightful cream cheese..

Appetite satisfied, I came back upstairs, laid the plastic cover on the carpet, and hey presto, I'd started... Easy peasy.. Then I hit a snag... The ceiling seemed an awful lot higher than I'd remembered, and the ladders were in the garage, too far away for me to be bothered, so decided to carry on and reach.. I wasn't painting the ceiling, but the bit where the wall and ceiling meet, must at all costs not have 'tide marks'.. so I used a stool, and made a huge stretching effort, and it worked - until I had to lean on the wall to reach up, and put my hands all over the newly painted part...- Not a problem, I just repainted the tell tale finger prints i'd left. Now, I'd got to the other side of the room, and remembered that a bathroom has a bath in it.! " How do I do this God " ? I pleaded.. He answered in the positive.. ' Just step into the bath ' he said in answer.. Of course ! So I did..
I asked him if he'd done much decorating when he was a boy, but he didn't answer. I expect he thought 'the least said here the better.'. Now I had the pot of paint, the lid, a paint brush, a roller, and a cloth, all in beside me.. I couldn't move in case I spilled paint all over the place, and as the bath is lower than the stool, I stared up, and spoke to God again, asking him to please help me reach where the ceiling joined the wall.. it's vital to get this wall done to perfection.. it's the first thing the eye sees as you walk in... My hands were now covered in emulsion paint, and now I wanted to go to the toilet. Should I leave this job until tomorrow, or go and make myself another coffee? No! 'Just do it - like Nike says'. so I gave in to the first urge, and went to the toilet... Every part of me touched the wet paint, and tho' I'd just washed my hands before the 'urge, I scrubbed them again. I hadn't worn gloves for this task.. too fussy, and would waste too much time, and anyway they too were downstairs. ( I do things fast - remember)? So back into the bath I went, and started again.. I have a glass 'shower splash' or some such name, and it, like the mirror, the towel rail, the toilet roll holder, and the glass shelf, are all screwed into the wall. Where were the tools to undo all these screws.? In the garage of course.. ' No time to look for them, Just be careful..' so I began again, now losing impetus, like a car fast running out of petrol . Suddenly I had an idea.. Why not take a rest, and write a blog about how fast you do things, and how God helped you to do it even faster..

what a good idea... So here I am, now sitting in front of the Computer Blogging, instead of finishing the blooming bathroom, and, I must confess, I've taken a minute off to have a cigarette, and close the curtains...What's happened to my 'speedy gonzalez' habit? Thought I'd better check the spelling of that name, and would you believe? I just came across a word 'greegree'.! Never heard it before, so in case you haven't either, I'll tell you what it means... It's an African charm or fetish.. 17th century of native origin.! Now we've all learned something new today haven't we? .! and do you know something else I've learned today? That since the year has changed from 2006 to 2007, so too have I changed. I've become a procrastinator.! ' Crastinare.f. Crastinus f. of tomorrow..'. Since I refuse to give in to this state,I will now sign off Blogging, and finish my bathroom from the unsafe bath, and hope to survive this change in myself, and be delighted with the change in my bathroom too.. I used to do things fast! what's happened.? Could it be Global warming? Not so in hee at the moment... I put the heating off before I started my ' ten minute' painting job, and now the house is so cold, I don't know if I'll be able to hold the paint brush..I only hope my knees don't start shaking with cold, or I might get an unwanted shower ! No... I don''t think God would allow that to happen to me.. He seemed pretty knowledgeable about decorating when I spoke to Him.

Weather babe's. Does size really matter?

Weather has an amazing effect on all we earth bound creatures you'll agree, but none more so than the Weather girls on our T.V. sets. They start out looking all svelte and everything, and suddenly their svelteness - like the weather map itself - changes by the day. Their svelteness grows to largeness, and as each day dawns, they develop puffy cloud-like stomachs, and before you can say " Storm Clouds "! they are wearing, yes, they are wearing low necked, tight topped bell fronted skirts, and later, ever tighter cardigans buttoned from neck to thigh, to reveal in all it's glory.. "The Bump".. Later, as time grows nearer, their stance changes slightly - now bobbing about facing camera, now with back to camera, now to full on side on poses.. Surely in concentrating on these moves, they distract themselves from the job in hand.. and cause mistakes in the directing of their Teacher pointing canes, advising us of sunshine where there is none, and rain where we all hope there will be none.. it seems to be a fashionable trend to get pregnant as fast as they can.. But wouldn't it be just so nice to have the same girl telling us what to expect - from morning till night, from street to street, north to south , east to west, without having to watch the Weather girls who seem to turn into Telly Tubbies overnight.. but still staying young... D on't misunderstand... Pregnancy is a beautiful image,, but do we all have to watch it's obvious progress for weeks/months until almost being present at the actual event itself.!

This 'phenomenon' seems also to affect the Weather men..! They start off, in smart suits,
shirts , and weather and house rules permitting on the day, even wearing ties.! Then the rot sets in, and soon they're likely to wear jeans.( we can't always see the presenter legs can we ? ) and open necked shirts.... All fine, but they soon also develop a Paunch! Some of which could put the weather girls in the dark. Is this competition, or a natural progression in people who stand in front off weather maps.? As they utter the words " severe weather front" we can almost see them looking lovingly down at their own 'fronts' Not all of them course.! Some remain slim and smart, but some ..... So come on you guys and dolls, lets just have the forecast each day, and not an insight into your private way of life'. Give us the Weather, allow us to concentrate only on the Weather, and Know why? Because that's what most of us find - really interesting..!! Of course there might some viewers who might enjoy seeing ..... Still, I suppose you all do your best. We know you are out there studying maps, sunspots and raindrops, while most of us are thankfully still asleep... BUT !!!

All Mossed Up..

I wonder how many people say they love their garden and really mean what they say? Do they really mean they 'love' it when the Spring/ summer flowers are in full bloom, or do they mean they love it as they love life itself? They say they don't mind getting dirty hands and muddy shoes/boots as they laboriously weed it week after week, year after year.. But how many remember to feed it before it shows signs of sheer exhaustion and starvation by turning yellow brown.. We feed birds, animals and humans, but in all honesty, do we feed our gardens as regularly ? You never hear anyone say " By heavens,, that grass is putting on the weight."

I have only recenty succumbed to ' Help in your garden' adverts, and invited a company to come and give me their advice. We all like to think our very own garden is a little treasure don't we, but the comments I received were not exactly favourable.. and not to treasure either.. for example.." Your garden is in a very poor state, and badly infested with weeds. The grass no longer grows in many parts, and the whole is in need of a thorough 'going over'. You have Daises, Dandelions, Clover, Buttercup, Selfheal, Sorrell , Woodrush, ( scored out) L. Celandine, Speedwell, and Groundelder.. We recommend Hollow-Tine, and Scarification.. Not to mention Moss infestation.!
Wow! I can tell you, this scared me.! Ah, but maybe scarification means, each time I go into it, I should shout BOO or something.. Yes that's bound to scare it ok..
But alas, not so. I tried it no no avail.. The Clover just changed colour.. I phoned them and said " Your hired "! and now after 10 days, the results are not spectacular, or even remotely noticeable, but it's early days, and perhaps next week my lawns will be lush and green and healthy. I told myself. ' Patience ! . If Rome wasn't built in a day, how can I expect my lawn to renew itself in 10 ' !

Laat year, before I found this wonderful company, I bought weed & Feed, and Moss Killer, plus a machine to spread it evenly, and it was a disaster.! The machine was a self assembly, easy to use, contraption, which, when I assembled it, was slightly lop-sided ... a minor detail I hadn't noticed until I had finished the whole job, and waited and watched in anticipation and high hopes to see my garden in it's all weed/ moss free all glory, and all my own work.! Not so. I had unwittingly distributed the 'killer' badly - due of course to the misalignment of the machine. But I'm only a girl, and surely not expected to know about lopsidedness. . So, a few weeks later, the moss turned into a huge mound of dark brown fur-like mess, the weeds didn't disappear as expected, and new weeds raised their ugly heads as I watched.. Worst of all, the whole lawn had dark brown stripeswhere it had been over-fed by he 'killer machine' contents.

On relating my story to a few DIY'ers,, I was told by all of them that I must rake the dead moss out, burn it, or dispose of it carefully to avoid the spores escaping, ( what? spores from dead moss) ? and then, smooth out the raked patches , put down new soil, rake it in well, apply new grass seed, water it daily, but not overdo it. It all sounded simple - until I started. Question one.. Did I have compost.? Um no. Ok. Grass seed? Um. No. So I raked, picked up and bagged, and took the offending moss to the Tip, bought new grass seed and compost, scattered it, and once again ..waited.

Many weeks later to my delight, I saw what looked like some green baby hair-like things growing in a few patches. Hey! It had worked! And it showed for everyone to see. but the moss was still lurking underneath for the naked eye to see quite clearly. I had used all the energy I could expend on this lawn, so I just scattered more grass seed over the not too well raked moss patches, and once again. .waited. Not really much of a success, but here I am 15 months on, with thinner moss. not quite so obvious now that it has some top cover of a now slightly darker baby green grass mingled with the brown of the moss, and I must admit, the two colours actually look most attractive together! Dark brown and baby green. Nice! It was hard work, and although I had decided,' Well, it's only a garden' and not worth spending more time money and energy on, enough is enough,' and I am glad I did succumb to the Company who came to do it for me. Now it does look lovely.. and it's green. After all, I love my garden don't I?

Anyone want to buy a Moss Spreader..?

The Year The Dog

Gong Xi Fai Choy
New year 2006.

I asked a man " Excuse me Sir, please help me if you can?
I need to translate English into chinese if I can.
I have two neighbours sir you see, who live very close to me.
They are having a party on Sunday, so I'm desperate you see"!

He shook his head, shrugged shoulders high, he didn't say a word.
He looked at me confusedly, and his sigh was all I heard.
And then he spoke in 'native tongue' to a young man at his side.
I hoped he didn't think me mad, my embarrasment was hard to hide

The young man looked at me and smiled, and said ' I can assist.
I speak your language fluently, it's a language I can't resist.!
So please explain your simple request, I'll translate all for you.
On one condition only though - That I come to the party too.'

Now it's all translated well I hope? I hope I've got it right?
I have even checked my Dictionary, but no Chinese words in sight.
It is not an easy language, I am sure you will agree..
But here I am in my best Chinese, Gong Xi Fai Choy from me..

I chose this Scottish New Year card, which celebrates two dogs.
One black as coal, one white as snow, I think they hunt wild hogs.!
They turn heir heads to wish you both Happy New Year girl and boy.
And in their best Chinese they say ' Gong Xi Fai Choy, Fai Choy.'

Now sing to us a New Year song to welcome 2006.
I hope your year is prosperous, and I hope these dogs do tricks.!
I asked a man " Please help me Sir, I need to translate soon.
You see I am going to China, Via the New Year China Moon. "

greenthumb

To Greenthumb Lawn Specialists.

You came to do my garden, I thank you very much.
The treatment you bestowed on it has had a Midas touch.
The grass now green, the weeds all gone, it really was a mess.!
The years of wind and rain - neglect - all took their toll I guess.

No Dandelions, Buttercups, or Speedwell now appear,
All gone to weedless heaven now, and won't come back next year.
And yet and yet, I must admit, I'll miss the Clover hues,
The purples, whites, the deep deep red, and brightly coloured blues.

Now all are gone, I mow the lawn with some elated pride.
Yes, so much so, I may even buy a mower on which to ride.!
Well you know the saying, it goes like this, ' if you have it why not flaunt it'?
That goes right now for the beautiful lawn I mow each week undaunted.

So thank you for the wonder you've created in my garden,
It needs no moisturising creams from Lauder or Liz Arden.
It holds it's luscious green head high, embraces every day.
And one and all admire it as they pass along this way.

'Greenthumb is the bestest best' I'll tell just everyone.
'If you want green and weedless grass on which to play, have fun.
Just phone this number, and very soon you'll think you live in Heaven.
Phone number 0162 8 52 52 27.!!

Mine is now a ' Green and Pleasant Place.'

From Terry Orr

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